sad and angry

I started this blog to write about the crazy hilarity living with 3 boys under 3 brings to my life, but today I am too sad and angry. This world is such a scary place to live in lately and it's not fair. It's not fair that people can't enjoy their families, friends, and lives without worrying about whether or not they will make it back home. My mom never had to worry about us going to school, or the movies, or an event. The biggest fear she had was whether we would choke on our steak at dinner, so yes, she did still cut mine til high school. She used to send us to the convenience store BY OURSELVES all the time, with a list that usually started with Milk, Bread, Eggs, Butter ( sidenote- my grocery lists almost always start the same. ) I don't even trust letting the boys on the backporch. It makes me sad for our kids. They will never have the carefree "in or out, just go play!" kind of childhood we had. They will never have the memories that you make, when your parents aren't watching you like hawks. Days like yesterday didn't happen, and they certainly didn't happen every few months. I joke that 3 kids have turned me into a hermit, but at least at home in my bubble, I'm not constantly on guard. I get to joke and play. I feel bad for my kids, because I want to hoard them. I never want to be without them. Family members want to take them to give us a break from their insanity, and I don't take them up on their offers that much. It's not fair to them, the boys or us, but I can't help the fear I feel at the thought of them leaving our shoebox, and being in the big, scary world, without us. My parents were divorced, so most weekends my sister and I stayed at my grandparents' house, where our dad lived, but one aunt or another was always taking us somewhere. Or our dad, being who he was, would hand us some money and we would walk to Davis Square. We would go to Osco Drug and buy fake nails, then take the long way home. We didn't have cell phones. We had a quarter in our pockets, to call home if we were going to be a little longer than expected. We were 8. Now I worry when Daddy goes somewhere with the boys, and I don't. I never thought when I had babies I would feel like that. I guess I never thought I would have to.