A Party

Yesterday we went to a birthday party. We have gone to many birthday parties in the past 3 years, but this one was different. We have been to indoor playground parties. We have been to parties with bounce houses. We have been to regular cake and ice cream in the kitchen parties. All of these parties involve Baduka being so very obviously, the odd kid. At indoor playgrounds, he pushes around the one Little Tikes Cozy Coupe they have. At bounce houses, he pushes around the one Little Tikes Cozy Coupe they have. At regular cake and ice cream in the kitchen parties, he finds a mirror, or the families cat.

The point is, he doesn't join in. He doesn't play with the other kids. He doesn't care about the cake (the frosting is a different story,) the presents, or the fun. It always makes me sad. No one wants to see a 3 year old, by himself in the corner of a house, while everyone else is having a party.

Yesterday's party was different. It was in our friend's backyard/kitchen. There was a bounce house set up. There were kids all over the place. Baduka jumped in the bounce house and LOVED it. He played with the kids. When they moved on to the next activity, so did he. He "sang" Happy Birthday, and tried to blow out the candles from across the room. He was the most "normal" I have ever seen him.

But my favorite part had to have been the dance party in the TV room. My friend blasted music and turned on a light machine, and the kids danced and laughed, while red and green lights twirled around the room. Why was this my favorite part? Because HE danced and laughed, too. He joined in and had fun. He smiled so big. Just thinking about it makes me tear up.

Sure, there were normal for Baduka parts to the day, too. He thought it was hilarious to hide in their shed, and pop out laughing, after many minutes of standing in the dark. He ran around screeching. He popped a balloon, and repeatedly handed it to me, expecting me to fix it. He only ate frosting. He tried to figure out what the red and green dots around the room were, and where they were coming from.  But that's okay, because for the first time since his autism diagnosis, I left a party with memories of him being just like everyone else.

Those other two

We just got in from picking up Baduka from school. His teacher said his second day was awesome! He actually sat in a group for circle time, which is a SUPER BIG DEAL! And he also is that kid who brings a lunch, but steals everyone else's. Not a surprise. Dinner around here is always musical plates.

In this house, Baduka gets a lot of attention, we like the other two, I promise, but between therapy and Early Intervention, most of our days were spent on him. So it was kind of nice to witness the friendship Dizzy and the New Kid have, without having Baduka being the attention hog, right before we left to go pick him up. I had washed Dizzy's blanket and the New Kid's dog today, and put the blankie in the dryer and the dog on top of the washer to dry, so it didn't get the weird, "I've been washed" bumpiness. Then put the New Kid in his carseat, and went to pee before we left. I heard the New Kid kinda cry, then stop in a happy way. I came into the kitchen to see Dizzy handing his dog to him and then kissing his cheek. These kids and their freaking adorableness!

So yeah, I thought school was gonna make me a giant crybaby, I didn't think it was gonna be so many happy tears though. Not complaining at all :)

First Day

So, we survived Day 1 of school for Baduka. It wasn't as traumatic as I feared.  He woke up and had Naked Breakfast, which he totally earned, since he went to bed naked and woke up dry, and then peed on the potty! Dizzy, on the other hand, went to bed fully clothed and diapered, and practically swam out of bed this morning. Which didn't make him exactly cheerful.

Got him dressed, brushed, pictured and out the door, almost on time and everything. Got to school and waited for all the kids to get there, then he was tricked into holding hands with a teacher and another kid in his class, and I cried back to the car.

Dizzy was still the devil when we got home and got put on a timeout nap. Papa was here, and although everyone who has ever met Frankie, has wanted to throw stuff at him, Dizzy actually did. A full milk cup, a rubber spatula, toys, a book... I think I put him on timeout because he cut the line of family members waiting to throw stuff, haha!

Since I was practically kid free, I really lived it up! I washed dishes, did some laundry, and made 42 pancakes. Legit, 42. Banana and butternut squash. So good!  And then I counted down the minutes (hours) to go pick up Baduka.

Picking him up was probably the highlight of my day. He ran to me, gave me a hug, and was so happy to see Dizzy and the New Kid, he HUGE SMILED, and KISSED Dizzy on the cheek. Way to make me cry twice in one day.

But the love was short-lived. Baduka rubbed that kiss in with a face shove, when Dizzy tried to touch his lunchbox. Ahh, brothers.

sad and angry

I started this blog to write about the crazy hilarity living with 3 boys under 3 brings to my life, but today I am too sad and angry. This world is such a scary place to live in lately and it's not fair. It's not fair that people can't enjoy their families, friends, and lives without worrying about whether or not they will make it back home. My mom never had to worry about us going to school, or the movies, or an event. The biggest fear she had was whether we would choke on our steak at dinner, so yes, she did still cut mine til high school. She used to send us to the convenience store BY OURSELVES all the time, with a list that usually started with Milk, Bread, Eggs, Butter ( sidenote- my grocery lists almost always start the same. ) I don't even trust letting the boys on the backporch. It makes me sad for our kids. They will never have the carefree "in or out, just go play!" kind of childhood we had. They will never have the memories that you make, when your parents aren't watching you like hawks. Days like yesterday didn't happen, and they certainly didn't happen every few months. I joke that 3 kids have turned me into a hermit, but at least at home in my bubble, I'm not constantly on guard. I get to joke and play. I feel bad for my kids, because I want to hoard them. I never want to be without them. Family members want to take them to give us a break from their insanity, and I don't take them up on their offers that much. It's not fair to them, the boys or us, but I can't help the fear I feel at the thought of them leaving our shoebox, and being in the big, scary world, without us. My parents were divorced, so most weekends my sister and I stayed at my grandparents' house, where our dad lived, but one aunt or another was always taking us somewhere. Or our dad, being who he was, would hand us some money and we would walk to Davis Square. We would go to Osco Drug and buy fake nails, then take the long way home. We didn't have cell phones. We had a quarter in our pockets, to call home if we were going to be a little longer than expected. We were 8. Now I worry when Daddy goes somewhere with the boys, and I don't. I never thought when I had babies I would feel like that. I guess I never thought I would have to.

what did you say?

Being home alone with the best boys means I talk to myself all day. Yes, I try talking to them, but they are terrible conversationalists. I've realized I could probably record everything I say all day, and play it on a continuous loop, and it would apply to everything they are currently doing. Here's some examples:

* Why are you doing that??

* Stop climbing that!

* Can't you just sit down for 5 minutes?!

* I think you stink.

* Did you poop?

* I think you pooped.

* Are you sure you didn't poop?

* Needa snack?

* Stop dumping the froot loops on the couch, Daddy will have to vacuum.

* Want milk? Moooore milk?

* I need more coffee.

* You guys are driving me to drink!

* What does a monkey say?

* Wanna watch a movie?

* Where is your father?!

* Naptime??

* You're probably fine.

* Get off the table!

* Why did you take the pictures off the wall?

* This is why we can't have nice things!

And the number one thing I say all day...

* Why are you NAKED?!

frosting hangover

Yesterday the New Kid turned 6 months old. That's a big deal in our family, so we always celebrate with dinner and cake. We had some family over, and everyone ate hamburgers, turkey burgers, crispy crowns (the better tater tot) and cake. Everyone, that is, but Baduka. He ate frosting. Lots of it. He was stealing it off plates, and the cake platter. And while Dizzy had his fair share, he at least ate some crispy crowns to absorb some of that sugar.

After everyone left, I even heard the kitchen chair being dragged to the counter, where he carefully got the cake platter down, and placed it gently on the kitchen table. Then the two demon children ate frosting, while I took pictures, because seriously it was really freaking cute.

After all that sugar you'd think bedtime would be a problem. Nope. Dizzy went right in with his blankie and cup. His cup was empty, he just wanted to hold it. Baduka put himself to bed, I actually had to change his diaper while he was sleeping, to avoid a pee explosion.

If only pee was what I had to clean up. At 5am I hear him kinda whimper crying, which isn't totally unusual for him, so I went in to get him to prevent him from fully waking up and turning the light on. I walked in to a crying Baduka, covered head to toe, in blue frosting vomit.

A week of firsts in this house. His first grown up, too much of a good thing, puking.

Some things.

What an emotional roller coaster week around here. Baduka turned 3 on Sunday, New Kid turned 6 months today, Dizzy got his first "whiffle", Baduka has his first practice day of school tomorrow. I will have my first open sob on a playground, since probably elementary school, so that should be exciting.

I really can't believe sometimes that I've been a mom for 3 years. It flew by, and most days are so crazy, I barely know what happened. I decided that I would try to remember some things I've learned up to this point, so in no particular order, here goes:

* Babies are cute and cuddly and gross. Seriously, we have had more poop explosions than you even know.

* Once you decide to do something once, you better be ready to commit to doing it 1,000 times, because BABIES FORGET NOTHING! Seriously, you think they don't pay much attention, but let them play with your phone, just that one time in the grocery store, and all of a sudden they have more apps than you do.

* Baduka has learned to climb in, out, over, and under everything made to prevent escape. Babies are made of Houdini and Spiderman.

* Once they know, you know, they love a certain food, it becomes disgusting and they MUST fling it or feed it to the dog. Fingers crossed peanut butter never enters this territory or the best boys will starve to death.

* When you first get pregnant, and someone throws you a baby shower, don't register for anything besides diapers and wipes. Seriously, I still have a bottle warmer and a baby food puree-er somewhere in the box. Babies aren't that complicated. Or materialistic.

* Don't forget to stay friends with Daddy. Put the kids away at night with enough time to watch your favorite show and drink a drink.

* When you put them in for a nap or bedtime, and you hear every toy from the toybox finally not being thrown off the top bunk, and you think "yeah, they're totally dreaming by now," they're usually not. We fall for it every night when we go in to turn off the lights and check blankets. Baduka usually pops his adorable little head out from the blankets and turns the light back on, and Dizzy follows me out to watch House reruns.

* They think everything is a game. I don't even bother yelling at them for the most part. Because they laugh hysterically. And I guess the things they do at 3, 2, and 6 months isn't serious enough for yelling anyway, so just have fun instead. Yell when they are old.

* When they are doing something to drive you absolutely insane, is also when they usually surprise you with a sloppy kiss. Dizzy is famous for this. Its usually followed by a headbutt that makes you say bad words.

* Take LOTS of pictures. They change by the day and you don't want to forget. Looking back at the pictures in my phone, sometimes I'm shocked by how different they were just last week.

* Everyday, while giving them a big hug, I whisper in their ear, "you're my favorite, don't tell the others." I like to think that someday they will remember it and know how much I love them.

* Watching your babies grow is the saddest and bestest thing you'll ever experience. They are crazy, and cute, and do things that make you wonder how you haven't lost your mind yet, but you look at their little faces, and fall more in love every single time.

As you can see I haven't learned much, but I got some time.

Late night fun :)

Last night I had a Target date with my favorite redhead. So as soon as dinner and bath time was done, I was throwing myself out the door to get as much time as possible, looking ridiculously bad in public. Honestly, why do I think its perfectly acceptable to leave the house in holey sweatpants and greasy hair, as long as its after 8pm? And I went to TARGET, not even Walmart where I would have made it onto a website.

Anyway, 3 hours and 71 dollars later, because I only went for toothpaste and sippy cups, but bought everything else, I returned home.

The living room light was off, so I thought, "great, the best boys are probably sleeping. I can shower and put laundry away before going to bed." Uh, nope, no I can't. I walked in and hear Dizzy dumping cars into buckets, his favorite stay up late activity. I think not so bad, he's usually up late anyway. I go in to put him back in bed and find Baduka naked, Dizzy half naked and toys, diapers and ripped up pieces of foam they found in a jewelry box everywhere. Awesome. Hahaha, then as I'm dressing them, the New Kid starts crying his, "I'm gonna starve to death" cry. Great. There goes my shower and laundry time.

You may be asking yourself, "where's Daddy?"

Asleep on the couch. At least someone follows their bedtime around here.