a letter to Colleen

Dear Colleen,

How are you? I can't believe it's been a year, since that horrible phone call. I thought I had been preparing myself for it, but I was totally wrong. I still feel the dread in my stomach, that I felt when I saw your name come up on my phone that night. I guess nothing could have prepared me for the random ways you sneak into my head. And I find myself crying.

You show up a lot when I'm washing the dishes. Memories always hit me hardest there. Maybe it's because it's the one time of day where I am not being pulled in 3 crazy directions. I miss you so much. If I had known when we were younger that I would be writing something like this right now, I would have never been late. I swear.

I miss having you to text about TV shows. I cry at the end of every Parenthood, and not for the obvious reason of Parenthood makes everyone cry, but because I can't text you about Jasmine and how ridiculous she is. Or what is going on with Joel and Julia?! I also miss you when I can't be like, "are you watching the new show Marry Me?" because it's a great show and I think you'd love it.

I miss having you to share books with. I haven't read too much in the past year, and sometimes I think it's honestly because I miss recommending them to you after. Same goes for the movies. I went once this year, and I cried the whole car ride.

You were such a huge part of my life, in such small ways. It's true when people say, the little things are the important ones. Because I would kill for a text saying "I miss you, Gilmore Girls Night??" or a "Pencil me in for a pedicure??" I would do anything to make the drive to your house and park in front like a crazy person, walk in to a smile and a "Hi Jen!" and a few hours of wine, gossip, and TV either being ignored or watched quietly.

Memories fill my head and I think of you everyday. I miss you everyday. Thank you for coming to me sometimes, to let me know you still think of me. I will always treasure the cake message. It's printed out, and framed with my favorite picture of us at your wedding, and of you, that night we went to Margaritas, and you were wearing the giant ridiculous sombrero. I love you too.

I hope right now, you're wherever you want your Heaven to be today. I hope you stop by on your way there to say hi to people who need you today. I hope you know how much we love you.

Love you always,

Jennifer Anne

sweet relief of a school day

Finally, Christmas vacation has ended. I swear this was maybe the longest one ever. It wasn't bad, there weren't any injuries, not too many fights. It was just neverending. Even Baduka asked about school on Friday.

But the one that hated it the most, was Dizzy. He couldn't have taken one more day. I don't blame him, Baduka is a bit hard to get along with, sometimes, when it comes to TV.

Our TV has an automatic YouTube button. And it's Baduka's favorite button, ever. He spends hours if he can, watching whatever he finds interesting. Which isn't interesting for anyone else that lives here.

At one point last week, he went to put something on, and Dizzy stood in front of the TV, with his feet set, his angry eyebrows on, arms going, repeating, "NOOO MORE!"

I was right there with him. For real YouTube people? Who's idea was it to make videos of you playing video games? And swearing during the Monsters Inc one? Or opening chocolate surprise eggs? Why is that a thing? And old happy meal toys? That's what you choose to do with your time? Where do you even get enough material for these cinematic masterpieces?? And I hope you know YouTube video creators, it's mostly my kid who's been your viewer.

So anyway, today when the alarm went off, it was a bit of a relief. The New Kid and Baduka, got up with pretty much no problem, but Dizzy was taking his sweet time. I kept telling him he had to get up, we had to get changed, hurry,hurry,hurry. Nothing.

Know what shot that kid out of bed?? Telling him he had control of the TV when we got home from dropping off Baduka.