what ARE they thinking??

My kids don't talk much, so I have to constantly guess what they're thinking. Here's what I figure these big heads are saying.

* She probably won't notice what I've dumped on the floor.

* Oh, she's changing a poopy diaper? Perfect time to hand her all my stuff, and sit on her lap.

* She's trying to put my shirt on while I'm holding a toy? She says switch hands, but I KNOW she will steal my best dinosaur for herself. She's selfish like that.

* Kisses? She definitely wants me to rub them in with a headbutt. I just know it.

* Oh, we're in the car? We are going to the store? I'll just take my shoes and socks off and make myself comfy-cozy for the 10 minute ride.

* She's driving, her eyes are on the road, she hasn't looked at me in a while. I better say her name. She still didn't look, I'll say it again... still nothing. Maybe she forgot we are here. I'll say it louder. Still nothing. Oh my goodness, she's forgotten we exist. I'll really high pitch it and repeat every 8-13 seconds til she looks. Oooh look a red light, phew! She turned around... but why doesn't she look happy to see we're still here?!

* Is that cat food? I'll just have a little, don't wanna spoil the dinner I'm dying to dump on the floor.

* I swear the dog likes this. Who else would chew his ears, if not me?

* As soon as she throws that away will be the EXACT moment I want it. Doesn't matter what it is.

* I wanna watch a movie. But once it starts I'm gonna turn the TV off, and run around screaming. Sounds like perfect.

* Ooh, tubby time? Better pee in there. Then clean up the pee with half a bottle of bath soap, and all her conditioner.

* Bedtime? That means Party Time. Excellent.

But I hope their number one thought is,

* Best. Mom. Ever.

Communication!

With the start of therapy a few weeks ago, we also started the PECS system with Baduka. PECS is short for Picture Exchange Communication System. It's a pretty awesome way to get to know what a kid who can't use language properly wants at all times, once they master the process. Baduka being pretty much a "silent" genius, means he caught on as soon as it was introduced.

What this process involves is a 3 ring binder full of hard plastic dividers, velcro, and little laminated pictures of every toy, food, and activity we own. He flips through the binder, finds what he wants and hands it to me. I'm supposed to say, "that's good asking!  You want to play puzzles!" And then get it for him to play with appropriately.

What this process really means is that he flips through a 3 ring binder, full of hard plastic dividers, velcro, and little laminated pictures of every toy, food, and activity we own, finds what he wants, hands it to me, yells, "thassss goooood assskinggg!" And gets it himself.

Clearly we still need to work on some things. Because now we still have the crazy, bouncing, jumping, climbing messiness, with little laminated, velcro backed pictures mixed in.

At least with the pictures I kind of know what direction he's about to run in?

My head.

I'm tired and have a headache.  I've yelled a lot today. I've hugged and kissed more, but it doesn't feel okay. I have reached my touch limit. I didn't drink enough coffee. I am sick of the toys no one plays with being everywhere. I've given up on potty training today. I want to have a family nap time. I want someone else to cook dinner. I need to wash the floors. I have too much laundry piled in baskets. I'm relying on Lightning McQueen to keep the maniacs quiet. I take the New Kid off the couch 49 times an hour and it's exhausting.

This is my life right now. It's not always hilarious. But it's okay.

because, I'm the mother, that's why.

At least once a day I can be heard saying, "why did I have kids?!" This is usually after I have to clean up something gross, or prevent a choking incident, or chase one of them down the hallway. If I didn't have kids, I'd be working everyday. Possibly drinking more, or less, depending on the day. And maybe I would have thought I was happy, but I wouldn't have been.

These kids are the true highlight of my every moment.

Without them I wouldn't laugh at ridiculous things, like last night when I went in to their room to do the final tuck in, and laughed the hardest I did all day when I got to the New Kid's bed. He fell asleep with a 2 foot, foam covered, Curious George baseball bat shoved down his feeties. Even in his sleep he looked relieved that I pulled it out.

Or the other night I had to run over to RiteAid to get toothbrushes. Dizzy saw me put my jacket on, so he put on his boots, the wrong feet-- but still, and grabbed his jacket. I had no choice, he was coming. He also grabbed a hat and a backpack. As we walked in to the store he waved and smiled at everyone. He gave the random security guard a thumbs up. It was like he'd never been out of the house before. He marched up and down every aisle with the most excitement you can possibly have. When I said, "people are gonna think you're crazy!" He looked at me, brought his finger to his lips, and said, "shhhh," then smiled and kept marching.

Last week I was in the kitchen with Dizzy and the New Kid, when Baduka came in crying. He climbed up on my lap, and I asked, "what's wrong, bud?" He held up his foot, looked at me, and said, "my foot! My foot is soooo sad!" In the most pathetic voice ever. He stepped on a toy.

They are so crazy and obnoxious, but when a movie is on Baduka and Dizzy sit as close to cuddling, as two maniacs can be. When the New Kid wakes up from a nap, Dizzy says hi with a kiss. Baduka made sure to hold Dizzy's hand the other day until his teacher came out, because Dizzy didn't want him to go to school. There was also kisses and hugs, and a few tears, from me.

These best boys of mine drive me crazy, make me laugh, make me cry, say "Momma!" 3 trillion times a day, throw their food on the floor, torture the dog, the cat, themselves, make messes, and love me almost as much as I love them. Because I will always love them more.

So, "why did I have kids?!", because without them, I'd miss all this.