feeling punchy.

Exactly everything, has been not awesome today, so here's a list of things I'd punch in the face if I could:

*whatever made Baduka wake up at 4am-ish. But not him, I won't punch him. Don't worry.

*the snow.

*the snow on the roofs of all the schools, in our whole city, that made February vacation 2 weeks long.

*snowbanks.

*the cable box for resetting itself, again, for no apparent reason, which caused massive chaos, and screaming. Thanks RCN.

*my throat, for hurting. And making me not be able to talk above a raspy blah. I hate sick.

*my inability to bring myself to day drink. I could really use a pickle jar full of rum.

*the cat. Stop meowing at me. Especially during the 22 seconds of quiet I managed to find, when I distracted the boys with popcorn. Jerk.

*the dog. For puking the snow he ate, on the couch. Bigger jerk.

*the feeling I keep having that it's about 5 hours later than it really is. I almost started dinner at 10:48.

ugh.

Snow days.

This being the longest snow day, in the history of snow days, ever, we're kinda going nuts in here. Then we got a call saying school is closed til forever. Snow on the roof, and all that. 

But it's not all bad. Baduka decided to talk.

You should know, he has a large vocabulary, knows how to read, and can sing lots of songs, but mostly everything he ever says is scripted or copied. He almost never speaks his own words.

It started with, "school?" Sorry buddy, there's like all the snow ever, outside.

Then, "I go to school tomorrow?" Still sorry, but they found more snow.

Last night in the middle of a meltdown, "sorry!I'm sorry!sorry!" and that one almost broke my heart. He's never even copied an apology. 

As he was calming down, he asked for "car ride please?" I asked him where to? He said, "Auntie's house?" We made a video of it.

Today has been my favorite. His therapist is here for aba. I was talking to her in the kitchen, and he stood in the doorway, grabbed my hand, and said, "Mommy, come chase me please!" Then ran giggling down the hallway. Honestly, I could barely see through the tears to find him, so thankfully he was still giggling. 

Best.snow.day.ever.

a letter to Colleen

Dear Colleen,

How are you? I can't believe it's been a year, since that horrible phone call. I thought I had been preparing myself for it, but I was totally wrong. I still feel the dread in my stomach, that I felt when I saw your name come up on my phone that night. I guess nothing could have prepared me for the random ways you sneak into my head. And I find myself crying.

You show up a lot when I'm washing the dishes. Memories always hit me hardest there. Maybe it's because it's the one time of day where I am not being pulled in 3 crazy directions. I miss you so much. If I had known when we were younger that I would be writing something like this right now, I would have never been late. I swear.

I miss having you to text about TV shows. I cry at the end of every Parenthood, and not for the obvious reason of Parenthood makes everyone cry, but because I can't text you about Jasmine and how ridiculous she is. Or what is going on with Joel and Julia?! I also miss you when I can't be like, "are you watching the new show Marry Me?" because it's a great show and I think you'd love it.

I miss having you to share books with. I haven't read too much in the past year, and sometimes I think it's honestly because I miss recommending them to you after. Same goes for the movies. I went once this year, and I cried the whole car ride.

You were such a huge part of my life, in such small ways. It's true when people say, the little things are the important ones. Because I would kill for a text saying "I miss you, Gilmore Girls Night??" or a "Pencil me in for a pedicure??" I would do anything to make the drive to your house and park in front like a crazy person, walk in to a smile and a "Hi Jen!" and a few hours of wine, gossip, and TV either being ignored or watched quietly.

Memories fill my head and I think of you everyday. I miss you everyday. Thank you for coming to me sometimes, to let me know you still think of me. I will always treasure the cake message. It's printed out, and framed with my favorite picture of us at your wedding, and of you, that night we went to Margaritas, and you were wearing the giant ridiculous sombrero. I love you too.

I hope right now, you're wherever you want your Heaven to be today. I hope you stop by on your way there to say hi to people who need you today. I hope you know how much we love you.

Love you always,

Jennifer Anne

sweet relief of a school day

Finally, Christmas vacation has ended. I swear this was maybe the longest one ever. It wasn't bad, there weren't any injuries, not too many fights. It was just neverending. Even Baduka asked about school on Friday.

But the one that hated it the most, was Dizzy. He couldn't have taken one more day. I don't blame him, Baduka is a bit hard to get along with, sometimes, when it comes to TV.

Our TV has an automatic YouTube button. And it's Baduka's favorite button, ever. He spends hours if he can, watching whatever he finds interesting. Which isn't interesting for anyone else that lives here.

At one point last week, he went to put something on, and Dizzy stood in front of the TV, with his feet set, his angry eyebrows on, arms going, repeating, "NOOO MORE!"

I was right there with him. For real YouTube people? Who's idea was it to make videos of you playing video games? And swearing during the Monsters Inc one? Or opening chocolate surprise eggs? Why is that a thing? And old happy meal toys? That's what you choose to do with your time? Where do you even get enough material for these cinematic masterpieces?? And I hope you know YouTube video creators, it's mostly my kid who's been your viewer.

So anyway, today when the alarm went off, it was a bit of a relief. The New Kid and Baduka, got up with pretty much no problem, but Dizzy was taking his sweet time. I kept telling him he had to get up, we had to get changed, hurry,hurry,hurry. Nothing.

Know what shot that kid out of bed?? Telling him he had control of the TV when we got home from dropping off Baduka.

outside's for suckahs.

As a stay at home mom to three charming, little maniacs, I often feel guilty for the things I don't do with them. Alone. By myself. Just me. The play dates I don't make. The outside I don't like to go out in. But they're crazy. And don't listen. And two-thirds of them hate whatever the one-third is doing, and try to escape. In two directions. I'm only one sleep deprived mom here. And I only got two arms. And a hip that likes to sieze up when I have to run. In two different directions.

So anyway, I usually ignore those guilty feelings, for indoor activities. But yesterday was Christmas, and we got them scooters, and helmets. And we live here, in New England, where the day after Christmas is of course 60 degrees. Daddy stopped by during his work day, and said, "I thought you'd be outside S-C-O-O-T-I-N-G..." he didn't look thrilled when I told him it was a two man job, so we'd wait til he got home.

So fine, whatever, I got them dressed, and outside we went.

For 38 seconds, all 3 of them S-C-O-O-T-E-D.

Then for 42 minutes, one tried to break into the car everytime I turned around, one tried going into the house over, and over, until I said we were going in, and then he hid behind the barrels, and one S-C-O-O-T-E-D.

I gave up the whole outside activity when Baduka ran through dog poop.

I then had to wrangle them all back in. Baduka was fine with it, because inside is where YouTube lives. The New Kid continued hiding by the barrels. Dizzy screamed, clinging to his scooter, repeating, "no in! NOOOOO IIIINNNN!" I managed to convince them over Dizzy's tears, that it was because they needed lunch.

Oh, and that dog? The one who's poop was the reason we were going back inside? Who had been outside with us, for all 42 minutes? Running, barking, and having a grand ole doggy time?

He came in, and promptly threw up all over the kitchen floor.

weird wednesdays

Wednesdays, such strange days here with the best boys.

Today we have aba here from 11-2:30, which is seriously, too long. It makes the day drag, we are bored, and I'm not convinced it works. So yeah, obviously Dizzy needed to jazz the day up.

I found the bathroom door wide open, which is not what we do, because duh, that's where the electronics get charged, and the open bathroom door usually means someones using the nabi unauthorized. But no, Dizzy was sitting on the toilet.

Okay.

When I asked if he was peeing, he shook it around a little and said, "no, it broken."

Then he sat a few minutes longer, insisted on underpants, and went to play.

I went to pee a little bit later, and noticed something in the tub. I called in Dizzy...

"Is this your pee?"

Big smile, "yessss!" with a head nod.

"Why did you pee in the tubby, when we have a toilet right there?"

Shoulder shrug, shy smile, and an aww-shucks kick.

Well, if you're gonna be adorable about being a weirdo...

kids, the weirdest people I know...

This morning I got Baduka up for school. During getting him dressed I did my normal yell/singing for the other two to "wake up, wake up, wherever you arrrrreeeee!" and "Olly, Olly oxen freeeeee!" It took a couple rounds, but the New Kid stumbled out, all adorably rumpled. And while I was changing him I yell/sang a few more rounds for Dizzy. Nothing worked. He didn't want any part of waking up this morning.

So I did what every good mother does in this situation.

Said I was leaving without him.

He jumped out of bed, ran to get changed, mumbly crybabying the whole way. In my head I yell/sang "Tricked ya, again!" And went to change his diaper.

It was dry.

And in what can only be explained, probably completely illogically by a 3 year old, Dizzy burst into tears. He was actually horribly upset he DIDN'T PEE HIS PANTS. Seriously, he was so sad/mad/upset he kept crying, and trying to get me to change him. I kept trying to tell him he didn't pee yet. He was determined though, so I used my tricks. I asked if he wanted to use the potty, nope. I tickled him, nope. I rubbed his back, nope.

So I did what every good mother does in this situation.

I left him there crying, and put the other two in the car.

And wouldn't you know it? I tricked him again. The fear of being left dry and alone, made him pee his pants. Someone smiled his whole way to the car.