what ARE they thinking??

My kids don't talk much, so I have to constantly guess what they're thinking. Here's what I figure these big heads are saying.

* She probably won't notice what I've dumped on the floor.

* Oh, she's changing a poopy diaper? Perfect time to hand her all my stuff, and sit on her lap.

* She's trying to put my shirt on while I'm holding a toy? She says switch hands, but I KNOW she will steal my best dinosaur for herself. She's selfish like that.

* Kisses? She definitely wants me to rub them in with a headbutt. I just know it.

* Oh, we're in the car? We are going to the store? I'll just take my shoes and socks off and make myself comfy-cozy for the 10 minute ride.

* She's driving, her eyes are on the road, she hasn't looked at me in a while. I better say her name. She still didn't look, I'll say it again... still nothing. Maybe she forgot we are here. I'll say it louder. Still nothing. Oh my goodness, she's forgotten we exist. I'll really high pitch it and repeat every 8-13 seconds til she looks. Oooh look a red light, phew! She turned around... but why doesn't she look happy to see we're still here?!

* Is that cat food? I'll just have a little, don't wanna spoil the dinner I'm dying to dump on the floor.

* I swear the dog likes this. Who else would chew his ears, if not me?

* As soon as she throws that away will be the EXACT moment I want it. Doesn't matter what it is.

* I wanna watch a movie. But once it starts I'm gonna turn the TV off, and run around screaming. Sounds like perfect.

* Ooh, tubby time? Better pee in there. Then clean up the pee with half a bottle of bath soap, and all her conditioner.

* Bedtime? That means Party Time. Excellent.

But I hope their number one thought is,

* Best. Mom. Ever.