It's been a bit since the last post, because it's summer, and most of my energy must be spent making sure no one's bleeding. I'm doing an okay job. But I realized last night, that during this last few weeks, just how much Dizzy has to say, and I'd really like to tell you all about it.
* He knows all his colors, and let's you know every time he sees something colorful.
* He knows the ABC's and if you start singing, he'll finish.
* He can count to 10.
* He knows animals and their sounds. And yesterday at the zoo, he called all their names, made their sounds, and took their "pitcha! Cheeeeeese!"
* He has learned how to be a tattle-taler, and I'm kinda okay with it. A lot of things around here have been mysteries.
* He knows his body parts. Hearing him say them all from the top of his "Heeeeaaaaadddd!" to his "ButtButtButt!" every tubby time is kinda the reason I like tubby time so much lately.
Dizzy has taken a long time to find his voice in this house. He's the middle kid, with an older autistic brother, who hasn't really shown him what to do, and a little brother who drives everyone crazy. Hearing him speak, and answer questions, and just be the amazing little man that he is, is undeniably wonderful.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Letting things happen.
When you have a kid with autism, every day is an emotional roller coaster. I mean, I guess regular kids drive their parents all the emotions too, but it feels different with Baduka, than what I see with other parents, siblings, and friends. Today, for example, they have been awake for an hour and a half. They have already eaten together, pushed each other, cried, made a mess, played on the porch, and are now watching a movie. They've fought, and made up in their own ways. I have broken up fights, and smiled at them sitting close, and playing together.
But Baduka has been all over the place. He's been happy, sad, mad. Trying to figure out why for each is the frustrating part for me. Not immediately knowing what he wants, and what he wants to do next, makes for very long days of chasing him.
Our kitchen is small, with a little, I call it an alleyway, spot where our sink, and counter are. Its almost like it should be a skinny walk-in closet, with a window at the end, but someone decided to shove a sink in it instead, and take the door off. Above the sink has cabinets. The cabinets have no doors. People, if you are ever thinking open cabinets are a good idea, I am telling you, IT ISN'T. You can thank me later. Then on the wall opposite the cabinets, we put up shelves, for our cereal, and pretzel stash. Besides the stove, this is probably the most dangerous part of the kitchen, because it's where all our glass, and sharp objects are. Baduka has been climbing the wall with the window, up onto the counter where the dish drainer is, for weeks.
Before he was doing it to reach snacks. But the last few days, he's been touching the glasses. Paying close attention to the 2 wine glasses I haven't broken yet. We kept taking him down, but he hasn't stopped trying.
This morning, after all the other things he's been emotional about, I decided to not stop him, but help him. I took the two glasses, and him down, and said, "Bud, what do you want to do?" He took both glasses, and made the motion of he was going to smash them together. So I said, "you want to cheers?" He smiled. I said, "okay I'm going to show you how gently... Gently. Like this." We clinked glasses a few times, said, "Cheers!" Then I said, "one more time, okay? Then we'll put them back, and go do something else." We clinked one more time, he handed me his glass, and went outside.
I have started to come to realize, that changing HIM isn't helping US. He has his wants, and needs, and right now the ability to voice it isn't there. But if we just let him follow through on the things he is so focused on, he knows what he's thinking matters, too. I may not be a mind reader yet, but I know he's happy knowing I care enough to try to read his.
But Baduka has been all over the place. He's been happy, sad, mad. Trying to figure out why for each is the frustrating part for me. Not immediately knowing what he wants, and what he wants to do next, makes for very long days of chasing him.
Our kitchen is small, with a little, I call it an alleyway, spot where our sink, and counter are. Its almost like it should be a skinny walk-in closet, with a window at the end, but someone decided to shove a sink in it instead, and take the door off. Above the sink has cabinets. The cabinets have no doors. People, if you are ever thinking open cabinets are a good idea, I am telling you, IT ISN'T. You can thank me later. Then on the wall opposite the cabinets, we put up shelves, for our cereal, and pretzel stash. Besides the stove, this is probably the most dangerous part of the kitchen, because it's where all our glass, and sharp objects are. Baduka has been climbing the wall with the window, up onto the counter where the dish drainer is, for weeks.
Before he was doing it to reach snacks. But the last few days, he's been touching the glasses. Paying close attention to the 2 wine glasses I haven't broken yet. We kept taking him down, but he hasn't stopped trying.
This morning, after all the other things he's been emotional about, I decided to not stop him, but help him. I took the two glasses, and him down, and said, "Bud, what do you want to do?" He took both glasses, and made the motion of he was going to smash them together. So I said, "you want to cheers?" He smiled. I said, "okay I'm going to show you how gently... Gently. Like this." We clinked glasses a few times, said, "Cheers!" Then I said, "one more time, okay? Then we'll put them back, and go do something else." We clinked one more time, he handed me his glass, and went outside.
I have started to come to realize, that changing HIM isn't helping US. He has his wants, and needs, and right now the ability to voice it isn't there. But if we just let him follow through on the things he is so focused on, he knows what he's thinking matters, too. I may not be a mind reader yet, but I know he's happy knowing I care enough to try to read his.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
mama never told me there'd be days like this...
Dizzy had a doctor's appointment today after school. It was at 4:30, which is a weird traffic judgment time for me. So we left immediately. And got there 2 hours early. Even with a detour down the long way, so I could get Starbucks. By that time Dizzy was car napping, until that moment when he woke up screaming his face off, and made the New Kid cry too. Then that turned into the New Kid, and Baduka yelling, "Nonuts!!" and Dizzy was just yelling. So, since we had an hour and a half, we left the parking lot, and went to Dunks. I love giving all of Daddy's money to coffee establishments.
Anyway, they were happily covering themselves in glazed donut, while I sat there wondering how much longer I could hold my bladder, and how early was too early to go inside. Apparently 45 minutes early is too early, but I almost peed my pants.
Inside, they were good in the wagon, for about 15 minutes. But the stupid train was broken, and they wanted to watch the fish tank. Fast forward about 14 seconds, and I was practically tackling them all back into the wagon, because no one wanted to watch the fish. They wanted to swim with them. For real, doctor's waiting rooms should be made of bouncy house, and ball pit.
Then we finally got called in to the room. They promptly screamed their faces off. Well, besides Baduka, but he had a magazine, so he was reading. It was so bad, that by the time the doctor came in, I was sweating, Dizzy was screaming for his pants, the New Kid was trying to escape, and we had to yell just to be heard.
Blahblahblah, doctor stuff, blahblahblah.
The nurse came in to give Dizzy his shot, and he just pointed at the New Kid to take it for him, and sobbed. Seriously, pediatricians, and their nurses, have hearts of stone. How could they handle that all day long?! Dizzy was so upset he wouldn't take the band aid, but when the nurse left he slapped a Jake and the Neverland Pirate sticker on his needle hole. He also cried the whole way home about his, "booboo!"
We made it home in one piece, where Baduka climbed the beer fridge, and handed out freezepops, the New Kid got naked, and Dizzy sat on the porch sulking.
Oh, and I dropped an entire bin of Legos on the floor. It wasn't that bad, they mixed in nicely with the box of buttons that broke their fall.
Anyway, they were happily covering themselves in glazed donut, while I sat there wondering how much longer I could hold my bladder, and how early was too early to go inside. Apparently 45 minutes early is too early, but I almost peed my pants.
Inside, they were good in the wagon, for about 15 minutes. But the stupid train was broken, and they wanted to watch the fish tank. Fast forward about 14 seconds, and I was practically tackling them all back into the wagon, because no one wanted to watch the fish. They wanted to swim with them. For real, doctor's waiting rooms should be made of bouncy house, and ball pit.
Then we finally got called in to the room. They promptly screamed their faces off. Well, besides Baduka, but he had a magazine, so he was reading. It was so bad, that by the time the doctor came in, I was sweating, Dizzy was screaming for his pants, the New Kid was trying to escape, and we had to yell just to be heard.
Blahblahblah, doctor stuff, blahblahblah.
The nurse came in to give Dizzy his shot, and he just pointed at the New Kid to take it for him, and sobbed. Seriously, pediatricians, and their nurses, have hearts of stone. How could they handle that all day long?! Dizzy was so upset he wouldn't take the band aid, but when the nurse left he slapped a Jake and the Neverland Pirate sticker on his needle hole. He also cried the whole way home about his, "booboo!"
We made it home in one piece, where Baduka climbed the beer fridge, and handed out freezepops, the New Kid got naked, and Dizzy sat on the porch sulking.
Oh, and I dropped an entire bin of Legos on the floor. It wasn't that bad, they mixed in nicely with the box of buttons that broke their fall.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Bad days.
Some days Baduka gets out of school emotional. I never really know what it's from either. Maybe something happened, maybe he doesn't feel good. He doesn't have the ability yet to tell me, and it's one of the harder things to accept with his autism.
Today was one of those days.
His teacher didn't mention a bad day, or anything happening, so there isn't any clue as to why he cried the whole way home, while repeating, "are you sure you want to quit?" I got him to calm down a little by telling him to go in and pick a freezepop color. It helped, but he was still a little upset.
I asked if he wanted to watch The Blue Umbrella from the Monsters University extras again. He smiled his first smile since we got home. Dizzy and the New Kid are pretty much over The Blue Umbrella, so I didn't have high hopes for this going well. He played it a few times, then prompted me to select the setup screen. All three are now happily on the couch, with their blankies and milk, watching Monsters University, with the subtitles and director's commentary on. No one is fighting. Dizzy even sat closer to Baduka, the way they like to sometimes.
Days like this I am so thankful I had two more maniacs. Sure, they fight constantly. And they think bodyslams are better than hugs. Goodness knows they hate sharing, anything, ever. But for Baduka to have two brothers by his side is something I know he will appreciate someday. They know him, they "get" him, they love him. And for that I will never be able to thank them enough.
Today was one of those days.
His teacher didn't mention a bad day, or anything happening, so there isn't any clue as to why he cried the whole way home, while repeating, "are you sure you want to quit?" I got him to calm down a little by telling him to go in and pick a freezepop color. It helped, but he was still a little upset.
I asked if he wanted to watch The Blue Umbrella from the Monsters University extras again. He smiled his first smile since we got home. Dizzy and the New Kid are pretty much over The Blue Umbrella, so I didn't have high hopes for this going well. He played it a few times, then prompted me to select the setup screen. All three are now happily on the couch, with their blankies and milk, watching Monsters University, with the subtitles and director's commentary on. No one is fighting. Dizzy even sat closer to Baduka, the way they like to sometimes.
Days like this I am so thankful I had two more maniacs. Sure, they fight constantly. And they think bodyslams are better than hugs. Goodness knows they hate sharing, anything, ever. But for Baduka to have two brothers by his side is something I know he will appreciate someday. They know him, they "get" him, they love him. And for that I will never be able to thank them enough.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Don't do this. Thanks.
The other day at the playground, while I was standing guard at the gate, because the New Kid likes to full steam ahead his way through it, where he stops laughing hysterically at the sidewalk, a grandmother told me that Baduka had came to her, and said, "I want monkey bars, please!" He held his arms up, and smiled at her one of his best smiles. He has just recently figured out the joy of the monkey bars, and obviously doesn't care who he asks for help. I apologized, because he grabbed her hand and all that. It then turned into a conversation about him being autistic. She had lots of questions, and seemed truly interested, but something she said hit me weird, and I can't stop thinking about it.
She said, "it's good that he didn't get the severe kind, you know? He doesn't seem too afflicted. He's very social."
Like I said, she was nice, and old, and I didn't know how to say that she had no idea what life with him is like. So I didn't. I just answered her questions about school, and therapy, and hoped she would leave soon.
Because yes, he's social, but that means he'll ask any stranger at the park for help. He will also sit on random laps, and try playing with your phone. It's terrifying.
We were at the park, and usually only go to the park, because we have run out of every other thing to do that interests him. We have yet to figure out his favorite thing, besides the Nabi, which he broke by smacking it across the room, not 15 minutes before this park trip, because I didn't give him enough time to prepare for a park trip.
So days like today, no school, but with ABA later in the day, we have had nothing to keep him happy. My not too afflicted son has been up, down, around, and crazy since 7:30 this morning. We've finally had a bit of quiet while watching the Pixar short The Blue Umbrella on repeat, at least 13 times in an hour. Poor Dizzy keeps turning the tv off, and he finally on his own came to the kitchen to play PlayDoh, but Baduka followed him, stole the PlayDoh, licked it, and left Dizzy crying.
These are the kinds of days autism gives him. Restless. He can't answer what he wants to do, so he searches for it himself. It's exhausting.
I guess the point of all this, and if you got this far, is unless you live it, don't be that grandmother at the park. Ask questions if you want to know, but don't say it's probably not that bad. Because it makes us hate you.
She said, "it's good that he didn't get the severe kind, you know? He doesn't seem too afflicted. He's very social."
Like I said, she was nice, and old, and I didn't know how to say that she had no idea what life with him is like. So I didn't. I just answered her questions about school, and therapy, and hoped she would leave soon.
Because yes, he's social, but that means he'll ask any stranger at the park for help. He will also sit on random laps, and try playing with your phone. It's terrifying.
We were at the park, and usually only go to the park, because we have run out of every other thing to do that interests him. We have yet to figure out his favorite thing, besides the Nabi, which he broke by smacking it across the room, not 15 minutes before this park trip, because I didn't give him enough time to prepare for a park trip.
So days like today, no school, but with ABA later in the day, we have had nothing to keep him happy. My not too afflicted son has been up, down, around, and crazy since 7:30 this morning. We've finally had a bit of quiet while watching the Pixar short The Blue Umbrella on repeat, at least 13 times in an hour. Poor Dizzy keeps turning the tv off, and he finally on his own came to the kitchen to play PlayDoh, but Baduka followed him, stole the PlayDoh, licked it, and left Dizzy crying.
These are the kinds of days autism gives him. Restless. He can't answer what he wants to do, so he searches for it himself. It's exhausting.
I guess the point of all this, and if you got this far, is unless you live it, don't be that grandmother at the park. Ask questions if you want to know, but don't say it's probably not that bad. Because it makes us hate you.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
appreciate the unexplainable
I spend most days asking these children, "why are you doing that?!" I don't often get answers, but I still ask. Just in case.
Today, Dizzy dumped every toy on the floor. All of them. I asked why, but he just smiled, and growled a dragon at me. Okay.
But his last thing was to put every book from the bin on the chair. This time I didn't need to ask why, because he yelled, "Momma, look! Books! TAH-DAH!" Which yes, doesn't really answer why, at that moment, but it was actually the best thing he did all day...
Because, the New Kid. The New Kid decided today was Naked Day. He has trouble with days obviously, gets it from me, and kept taking off his clothes, gets it from Daddy. I dressed him several times, and he kept taking his clothes off. I came in from the other room, and sat down. Checked Facebook. Heard a strange, tinkly splash.
The New Kid peed in the book bin, that Dizzy emptied 10 minutes before.
He's a psychic. And we don't have to read urine soaked books later. It really is the little things that you learn to look forward to.
Today, Dizzy dumped every toy on the floor. All of them. I asked why, but he just smiled, and growled a dragon at me. Okay.
But his last thing was to put every book from the bin on the chair. This time I didn't need to ask why, because he yelled, "Momma, look! Books! TAH-DAH!" Which yes, doesn't really answer why, at that moment, but it was actually the best thing he did all day...
Because, the New Kid. The New Kid decided today was Naked Day. He has trouble with days obviously, gets it from me, and kept taking off his clothes, gets it from Daddy. I dressed him several times, and he kept taking his clothes off. I came in from the other room, and sat down. Checked Facebook. Heard a strange, tinkly splash.
The New Kid peed in the book bin, that Dizzy emptied 10 minutes before.
He's a psychic. And we don't have to read urine soaked books later. It really is the little things that you learn to look forward to.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Can't be good at everything...
I've decided something. I mean, I pretty much already knew this, but I've decided to put it in writing. I am TERRIBLE at potty training. I'm willing to be okay with this, because really? I'm pretty okay at a lot of other things.
My reasons? Well, Baduka is 4, Dizzy is almost 3 (Sunday,) and the New Kid is a year and a half. None of them want to pee in the potty. We've tried.
With ABA at home, they tried with Baduka for 2 weeks. He wore underpants. They had Spiderman and Pixar characters, to get him excited, Excited! He was so excited by this process, he peed everywhere, but the potty. Toys, books, my leg. At school he would pull down his pants, and twiddle his favorite toy, while walking with his pants around his ankles. We're back to diapers.
Dizzy convinced me to buy a potty at Target a few weeks ago. It was the Royal Prince version, and the box had a Try Me button, to hear the magical sounds it makes when a kid finally pees in the bowl. The whole time in the carriage they pressed that button, we got home, and they fought over pressing that button. I told them that if they peed in the potty, and put their poops in there, it would play that as a very fancy, "Yay! You did it!" They don't care, they took the music maker out from under the bowl, and promptly fought over who got to press it next. That Royal Potty now lives in our dark end of the hallway, because no one wants to sit on it, and I have no idea where the sound maker went.
In the bathroom we have one of those put on the adult seat, child seats, that hangs on the side of the bowl. They never get on it right though, and if you try to squish them back a little, they think you're attempting to flush them down the toilet, and cling to your arms for dear life. But anyway... Sometimes during tubby time they'll put it on the seat, and pretend to want to use it, but they don't. This morning though I had hope. I took Dizzy's diaper off and he had just a tiny spot of pee, and I knew he had more, so I brought him in the bathroom. He said, "potty?" I said, "yeah, let's put your pee in it!" He sat down, smiled, looked around, and peed straight across the seat, and all over my leg. Said, "all done, potty!" Got up, and walked out of the bathroom. He then turned around, said, "potty!" And peed all over the floor.
I believe me, and my peed on pants, are throwing in the pee soaked towels. Diapers for life.
My reasons? Well, Baduka is 4, Dizzy is almost 3 (Sunday,) and the New Kid is a year and a half. None of them want to pee in the potty. We've tried.
With ABA at home, they tried with Baduka for 2 weeks. He wore underpants. They had Spiderman and Pixar characters, to get him excited, Excited! He was so excited by this process, he peed everywhere, but the potty. Toys, books, my leg. At school he would pull down his pants, and twiddle his favorite toy, while walking with his pants around his ankles. We're back to diapers.
Dizzy convinced me to buy a potty at Target a few weeks ago. It was the Royal Prince version, and the box had a Try Me button, to hear the magical sounds it makes when a kid finally pees in the bowl. The whole time in the carriage they pressed that button, we got home, and they fought over pressing that button. I told them that if they peed in the potty, and put their poops in there, it would play that as a very fancy, "Yay! You did it!" They don't care, they took the music maker out from under the bowl, and promptly fought over who got to press it next. That Royal Potty now lives in our dark end of the hallway, because no one wants to sit on it, and I have no idea where the sound maker went.
In the bathroom we have one of those put on the adult seat, child seats, that hangs on the side of the bowl. They never get on it right though, and if you try to squish them back a little, they think you're attempting to flush them down the toilet, and cling to your arms for dear life. But anyway... Sometimes during tubby time they'll put it on the seat, and pretend to want to use it, but they don't. This morning though I had hope. I took Dizzy's diaper off and he had just a tiny spot of pee, and I knew he had more, so I brought him in the bathroom. He said, "potty?" I said, "yeah, let's put your pee in it!" He sat down, smiled, looked around, and peed straight across the seat, and all over my leg. Said, "all done, potty!" Got up, and walked out of the bathroom. He then turned around, said, "potty!" And peed all over the floor.
I believe me, and my peed on pants, are throwing in the pee soaked towels. Diapers for life.
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